Easing into the year.

Dear friends,

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I’ve been away from this space for a while.

It’s been nice in some ways, the extra time, a bit of cocooning, figuring out new ways and adjusting to evenings at home alone now that Mr. Mom has gone back to work.

(By the way, despite my invitation to my readers to rename Mr. Mom, I just can’t do it. He may be working outside the home now, but the care and attention he gives our family will always be worthy of the “Mr. Mom” pseudonym.)

I normally launch myself into the new year with a long to-do list and at least a couple of well-considered resolutions. This year — I pretty much skipped it. Or maybe I should say I was a little kinder, allowing myself some time and space to ease into 2015 without rigid expectations.

Part of it was by necessity. I came down with a dreadful upper respiratory bug right after Christmas and spent five feverish days in bed. Then just as I was getting into the swing of January, I threw out my back and was sidelined for another week.

Perhaps there’s nothing as leveling as health issues, even minor ones. I think the universe wanted to remind me that it’s okay to slow down, even when our culture screams “New year, new accomplishments!”

But here’s the thing I really wanted to tell you: I have been meditating regularly. I started back in November after attending a “Mindful Leadership” conference. Then I joined a local Sangha. Now I am taking an 8-week course in Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction.

I want to say so much about my meditative experience but that will take time and more than one post. For now, just this: A couple of weeks ago I felt I was having trouble adjusting to evenings on my own. I even chided myself for too much time in front of the television and the laptop. “Good Lord,” I thought to myself. “I’ve got to do something more productive with my evenings!”

Then last night, I came home from work and in less than three hours I made a homemade dinner, cleaned the kitchen, completed two homework assignments for my class, read the mail, and sat for a 30-minute meditation. As I readied myself for bed I caught myself thinking “Good Lord, that was a fast evening! I’ve got to slow down and enjoy myself.”

Which is precisely why focusing on mindfulness is a very good thing! Our busy, busy minds play all kinds of tricks on us. One minute Mind is scolding us for being lazy; the next minute Mind is screaming slow down.

The irony of a busy, busy Mind — that quite literally can’t make up its mind — reminded me of a beautiful verse written by Martha Postlewaite:

Do not save the world

or do anything grandiose.

Instead create a clearing in

the dense forest of your life

and wait there patiently

until the song

that is your life

falls into your cupped hands

and you recognize and greet it.

Only then will you know

how to give yourself

to this world

so worth of rescue.

With gratitude {for anything resembling a clearing, no matter how modest},

Joan, who invites you to tell her what tricks your Mind has been up to lately

Oh. Hey. Hi.

Dear friends,

2013

This lovely 2013 day planner is available here.

I haven’t intentionally been ignoring you.

I have been unusually content in some ways, and contentment for me often leads to quiet reflection.

Life has been both perfect and hard, and I’ve been living it instead of writing about it. But I’ve missed you and I thought I ought to pop in and say so.

Our holidays were everything I needed. Kate was home from college for three weeks and I luxuriated in her company. Christmas break was low-key. On Christmas Day, we had a Barbecue feast that was super-simple to prepare and left me plenty of time to laze around with the kids. We dragged an air mattress into the den and piled on blankets and pillows for a marathon movie session. We tackled a zigsaw puzzle. (Who knew CupKate was a puzzle whiz?) We invited friends over and played board games. We had a bonfire. And then we spent New Year’s Eve in Memphis watching my alma mater (The University of Tulsa) kick butt in the Liberty Bowl and enjoying the flavor of Beale Street blues and seafood. The last two weeks of 2012 were so perfect I was lulled into a dreamy stupor, making Jan. 2 a particularly sharp jolt back to reality.

So the hard parts? Well, there’s been more developments on the mountain. Nothing I’m ready to write about. In fact, like most of the saga, Mr. Mom has been handling it alone in quiet frustration because I’ve blocked it out, so I really don’t understand the details of the latest developments yet; mostly I just tried to distract myself while I watched him spend hours on the phone with attorneys and surveyors and adjacent landowners and the dozens of characters that populate this unfathomable story. My most fervent wish is that this chapter of our lives will end in 2013.

Also — I’ve been running, chasing the thousand miles I said I wanted to conquer in my 51st year.  Lawzy, I didn’t know what I was getting myself into.  It’s been a mental and physical challenge that I wholly underestimated. The first three weeks almost reduced me to tears several times and very nearly convinced me I could never do this. I have ached. I have been so tired I lost all concentration at work, and I have gone to bed at 7:00 pm more than once. I have mentally shouted at the gods and cursed them for my lack of strength and  stamina. I have found myself hating Missouri and blaming its godforsaken hills for my misery. I’ve sunk to the lowest possible emotional depths a runner can reach without quitting.

I have a glimmer of hope, however, that I’m turning a corner. In fact, I need to wrap up this post so I can head out for a run. I must log a minimum of 10 miles this weekend and I’ve got a hot date with Mr. Mom later this afternoon so I need to get after it.

But, hey, you know what? My waist is making a slow reappearance in my life. It used to be a beautiful thing and it just might be again, who knows? And the other evening my left leg was aching so badly I asked Mr. Mom to massage it. He did two better: He massaged it, he told me how toned my legs were becoming, and he brought me a heating pad. A good man is such a glorious thing and I never fail to count my blessings when I notice them.  Which is one more reason I need to make an appearance here and remind you to do the same. It’s a great way to ease into 2013, friends.

With gratitude {for a sparkly, blessed, challenging, infuriating, totally-normal new year},

Joan, who invites you to tell her how you’re easing into 2013 and what you hope the year holds for you

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