Drop off the key, Lee.

Dear friends,

How can I say this?

Day Two of This Week surpassed Day One of This Week’s suckiness?

Or, Tuesday smoked Monday in the crap race?

Or, Uncle?

(By the way, I didn’t realize how off-kilter I was yesterday until I actually read my post late in the evening and saw that I had forgotten my trademark sign-off. Holy cow, I was off my game.)

I know it’s a bad day when I start humming Paul Simon’s 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover. Slip out the back, Jack. Make a new plan, Stan. You don’t need to be coy, Roy. Just get yourself free.

Of course I’m not talking about leaving Mr. Mom. But there are certainly days that I want to hop on the bus, Gus, and leave my responsibilities in the rear view mirror. And, hoo boy, Tuesday was one of them. If I could have found the key to the whole darn thing, I’m sure I would have dropped it off.

Instead, I took a two-hour R&R with a couple of friends. Then I came home and ate the home-cooked meal Mr. Mom had thoughtfully prepared. Then I retreated to a quiet corner and gave myself a manicure because it feels good and I had destroyed my nails with stress-biting over the last month.

Remember when I mentioned I could give a better manicure than anybody besides my friend Alisa? Here’s the proof.

That’s my right hand, by the way. Meaning I painted those perfect white bands WITH MY LEFT HAND. In high school, we used to say “all fact, no brag.” Once you get past being grossed out by how aged and splotchy my hand looks (it’s the Instagram filter, you know), I think you’ll be duly impressed with my abilities.

Which is to say, if I ever need to slip out the back, I have a Plan B and it involves painting nails.

So, I’ve got that going for me.

With gratitude {for the security of a totally legit back-up plan},

Joan, who sometimes makes up her own lyrics to favorite songs and thinks “Hang up the phone, Joan” might be good advice on a bad day

By way of explanation.

Dear friends,

And that pretty much sums up my day yesterday. It was Monday. It was a migraine of a Monday, in both the literal and the figurative senses.

I’m sorry I have nothing better to offer you.

But, hey . . . download the sign if you want and hang it on your desk next time you’re having a day.

You’re welcome.

With gratitude {for somebody else’s words that do the talking better than me on this day},

Joan,