Okay, I’ve patiently written my way through 10 episodes of this travelogue without addressing a topic of utmost importance and I just can’t wait any longer.
The bathroom sitch must be discussed.
At the risk of using a bad pun, it’s a crapshoot. Emphasis on the crap.
I know. That was an easy shot. But I’m going to stand my ground as a First World Lady of High Standards and just acknowledge the accommodations were dismal.
I realize dismal is relative. But I’m the one telling this story so my assessment is the one that matters. Imagine the worst American truck-stop bathroom you’ve ever patronized and throw that image out of your head as not comparable. That’s right, most of the public bathrooms were horror shows.
But here’s the great thing about relativity — after about three days, your standards change. During the middle of our trip, as one friend and I exited one bathroom that would have previously been considered appalling, she remarked “Well, that wasn’t bad!” Then we laughed about how an unlit toilet the size of phone booth without a flushing toilet, toilet paper, soap, or paper towels suddenly became “not bad.”
The worst part of our trip is that both my friend and I suffered from “sluggish” digestive tracts during our travel. I just want to say the timing of medicine to alleviate that condition is no laughing matter when you travel 5-18 hours every day and you never know what kind of bathroom you’re going to find on the road. The planning surrounding this problem consumed most of our mental and emotional energy and I’m not joking. Ask our companions.
Toward the end of our trip, I went on a hunger strike. I can’t explain it except to say my body was in revolt and I simply stopped eating. (I lost five pounds in 14 days.) Somehow, my bowels knew the exact moment I touched down on U.S. soil because I had to rush off the airplane in Dallas for the ladies room.
And I can say without hyperbole that I was never so happy to see an American public bathroom in my life. I’d been carrying a roll of toilet paper, a bar of soap, Clorox wipes, and hand sanitizing wipes in my purse for two weeks. I dumped all my supplies in the trash at DFW and never looked back.
Epilogue: Here’s the thing you need to know. Indian restrooms usually have one, or sometimes two, of two basic options: either a “Turkish” toilet (a hole in the ground) or an American toilet. All the American toilets I chose (except for the ones in my hotels) lacked supplies like toilet paper, soap and paper towels. Instead, they all offered either a hand held bidet (imagine the sprayer on your kitchen faucet), a spigot near the foot of the toilet (I still don’t get this), or a pail of water with a cup submerged in the water (WHAT?). Apparently water is preferred over toilet paper. And, mind you, it’s all cold water.