Butt Nakey.

Dear friends,

This is my boy.

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He has hops.

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Hops is what you say when you want to be urban-cool and you mean “He can jump.” I’m not urban-cool but I want to appear to be in front of my boy so I say hops.

He has big hops.

I am in love with my boy.

I loved him when he was a baby, depriving me of sleep for most of my 30s with his incessant, nocturnal restlessness and fussing.

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I loved him when, at age three, he nightly sang a song called “Butt Nakey.” I’m pretty sure he meant “buck naked” but you have to admit butt nakey is far more lyrical. He always seemed to have an ear for that sort of thing.

He sang his original composition at full volume, not surprisingly while naked, typically after a bath and before pajamas.

Sometimes he sang it while chasing his sister.

She hated the Butt Nakey song.

She also hated his second favorite song, “Here Comes the Penis,” which he often sang immediately following “Butt Nakey.” “Here Comes the Penis” required a special guitar riff, which he played, also while naked, also while chasing his sister.

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I love to remind my boy of how much I love him. I reminded him the other night, while telling the Butt Nakey story in front of company, and his facial expression suggested he doubted the sincerity of my declaration of love.

A couple of days later, he tweeted the following: I saw a unicorn today. Okay, I saw a girl who ate a meal without posting a picture of it on Instagram. Same thing.

I think he was taunting me. I think his Tweet was retaliation for talking about Butt Nakey.

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I won’t hold it against him.

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I’m too much in love to succumb to resentment.

With gratitude {for a son who has made me smile every day of his life and will forgive me for my immense love and the stories it spawns},

Joan, who has been teasing her boy of late for his “No-Shave November” beard but only because that’s her job as his mother and she doesn’t want him to know she secretly loves his beard, too

Comments

  1. I think the words “secretly” and “love” don’t actually accurately work together in any sentence describing you, Joan Marie. You wear your heart on your blog, lady (and it is a lovely thing to see…).

  2. I’m flashing back to the curls he cut off a few years ago. I think a metamorphosis occurred when those luxe locks hit the barbershop floor.

  3. Maladjusted Mel says:

    I love this post! It warms my heart. And wow – in these pictures I see the oh-so slight change in his face – to a manly, man face. Wowser. Am I dreaming? Joan, do you think so, too?

  4. This is just the sweetest. He’s so grown up- growing a BEARD? Those stories from our childhoods are a mother’s jewels- theirs to bring out and flash to an audience. I think moms earn that right. ;-) Butt Nakey is cracking me up.

  5. That is hilarious. Especially the “Here Comes the Penis” song. I feel like men sing that song in one way or another for their entire lives. He was just more upfront about it.

    Now you’ve gone one better in the public embarrassment arena by posting it all to the Internet for (theoretically) the whole world to see. Well done, mom.

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