Okay, so now’s he just tormenting me.

Dear friends,

I can be a bit particular about things.

One of the things I can be particular about is my bed.

Like my dining table, I think my bed ought to be beautiful, multi-layered and carefully arranged.

And just like I adore buying linens for my tables, I adore buying linens for my bed. I tend to switch out duvets and shams frequently.

With each new set comes a new linen/pillow “arrangement.”

And I don’t usually like to disparage Mr. Mom, but he’s totally out of his league on this one. He cannot seem to keep up.

I purchased new linens not long ago. And despite the fact that I have taken great care to teach him how to properly make the bed, he can’t seem to do it with the precision I require.

The deal is — if he wants to get his tookus out of bed, I’ll see that it gets made. But Mr. Mom is typically still in it when I walk out the door in the morning, so all I can say is — you snooze, you lose buddy.

Except I’m losing because he is either unwilling or unable to make the bed properly.

This is what awaited me when I walked in Wednesday night:

Was he bored? Did he take up Bed Origami? Pillow Jenga?

The fold of the duvet is an approximation of my specifications, but the top sheet is supposed to be military-tight and tucked in on all sides. You can’t see it from this photo, but the sides of the sheet were hanging woefully below the platform.

And those pillows? He was mocking me. I don’t like to be mocked.

It’s bad enough that our bed is lopsided. It’s been that way for a few years after we finally cried uncle on a long series of “compromise” mattresses. He likes rock hard. I like feather soft. So we bought two twins and laid them side-by-side. Mine is six inches higher than his because it has a pillowtop and two additional store-bought foam pads. (He has to climb uphill to snuggle. That might be too much information, but it enforces the personal space I require and I wanted you to know in case you suffer from the same marital dilemma.)

My point is — my bed is already lopsided and he keeps making it worse by refusing to make it properly.

So my question to you, dear readers, is what’s a girl to do?

With gratitude {for the sage advice I know you will offer a damsel in distress},

Joan, also known as the Princess Who Suffers Not from a Pea but from a Pea-Brained Partner

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Comments

  1. Henry said, “by all accepted standards, I’d say Mr. Mom did a Darn fine job, Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha”. D&H

  2. Amber Raymon says:

    At first I thought you might have a Poltergeist. Remember the stacked up kitchen chairs in that movie?

  3. I don’t know….my husband cannot seem to make a bed other than the one way he learned as a child and that way definitely does not involve pillows in shams (he’ll just sleep on those) or decorative pillows or throws or…. He especially seems determined to have all pillows down flat at the top of the bed. Ostensibly a time saver for when he needs to get to sleep extra fast???

    Joan Marie, I say look to the future. See what you can do with Parker while he is still young(er) and more pliable. You might be able to send him out into the world as a guy who knows how to properly dress a bed. The revolution starts at home…..

  4. Well, mine says there is no need to make a bed because you’re just going to mess it up again that evening. And yes, I get the same type of skills when my racer is put to the task of making the bed. He says that I have too many pillows and fluff on it and that no one ever sees our room unless there’s a party. He makes a valid point, but I still prefer a nice, tight and tidy bed.

  5. Maridel says:

    I love Mr. Mom’s Pillow Installation. I saw something just like it in permanent collection of the Tate Modern.

  6. Hahaha that’s such a guy-pillow-arrangement.
    I’ve given up. Ours only gets made when we have company over that might possibly get a house tour.
    Killian did make risers for our bed so I nearly have to jump up to be on it (my feet are about a foot off the ground when I sit on the edge). At least your tall guy didn’t go that far!

  7. Can’t remember the last time hubs made the bed. We have taken to using our own comforters though. I am very happy with this new arrangement. Hard to make the bed look good though.

  8. I laughed out loud when I saw the photo, it’s just too … Creative? I’m also particular with my bed, and Mike really can’t get it right even when he tries. It’s a bit of curse though, because I’m stuck with the bed making, which would be no problem, if him and the dogs wouldn’t “messy it up” at any chance they get.

  9. Mr. Darcy does not understand the concept of throw pillows. Bless his heart he makes the bed every day (since he’s the last to get out of it) but it’s never really to my specifications. I’ve given up that battle since the cats tend to mess it up while we are gone at work anyhow.

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